John F. Kavanaugh
'Finding one's heart's desire'
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There has been much written about Mother Teresa of Calcutta these days. Not only has the 10th anniversary of her death been observed; depths of her interior life have been inspected as well. The publication of her letters to spiritual directors in Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, edited by Brian Kolodiejchuk, M.C., has revealed that the founder of the Missionaries of Charity herself lived in profound spiritual darkness for nearly 50 years.

The public revelation of Mother Teresa’s interior crisis (much of the documentation appeared on the Internet news site zenit.org in 2002, while the cause for her canonization was moving forward) has struck some as a cruel betrayal of her desire not to have her letters published. Others were shaken by what seemed to be her loss of faith or by God’s harshness with her. Some have linked her experience with the harrowing purifications of high mystical prayer.

The most voluble response has likely been that of Christopher Hitchens. An often brilliant polemicist and eminently readable essayist, Hitchens is perhaps the most prominent of nonbelievers to have recently published an anti-theist manifesto. His best-seller is titled God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything. But over a decade ago he wrote The Missionary Position, a searing and often mean indictment of Mother Teresa, whom he dubbed the “Ghoul of Calcutta.”

There is a puzzling zeal in Hitchens’s fascination with Mother Teresa and his seizure of every media opportunity to disparage her. He opined in the Time magazine cover story (a remarkably balanced article) that she was like a die-hard, disillusioned Communist carrying on even though things were falling apart. On television news shows he attributed her perseverance to the fact that “advisors egged her on because she was a great marketing tool.”

Apparently the only good thing he can see in her life is what he thinks was her loss of faith. Thus, from his two-page opinion piece in Newsweek one gets the sense that Hitchens has discovered a strange sympathy for “this troubled and miserable lady.” But first he must convince himself that she has really lost her faith. Thus he moves from his first paragraph’s guarded “all but lost her own faith” and “for all practical purposes ceased to believe,” to his ringing conclusive indictment of “a blind faith in which she herself had long ceased to believe.”

Hitchens gave a much more accurate description of Mother Teresa’s crisis during a three-hour interview on C-Span’s “Book TV.” Correcting himself after asserting her loss of faith he said, “If not a loss of faith, a great loss of certainty.” Precisely.

The problem (and Hitchens could not have suspected it) is that Mother Teresa never had certainty. At least that’s what she told me.

In Calcutta during December 1975 and for a few days in the following March, I was doing the “long experiment of humble ministry” that Jesuits undertake during their last year of formation. On those days when I celebrated the Eucharist at the Missionaries of Charity motherhouse and worked at the House of the Dying, I had a number of conversations with Mother Teresa.

Two of them still inhabit my life. Our first talk concerned my worry that I should not go back to the comfort and riches of being a university professor in the United States. She told me to go back. “There is far greater poverty there. The greatest poverty is the absence of love.”

Much more puzzling was a comment she made shortly before I left Calcutta. I had asked her to pray for me. She said “for what?” “For clarity,” I pled. And she immediately said no, she would not pray for that. I complained that she seemed always to have clarity and certitude. “I’ve never had clarity and certitude,” she said. “I only have trust. I’ll pray that you trust.”

So Hitchens is correct on at least one count. Mother Teresa was living with a “great loss of certainty”—about herself, about her relationship to Christ, about her fate, about her very God. The feeling of not having faith is quite different from not having faith. Otherwise it would not be so harrowing to the believer, who cries out with nothing but trust.

It would be good if all of us, believer and nonbeliever alike, could learn once and for all that whatever faith is, it is not a crutch. Sometimes in faith, you have nothing to lean on. Nor is the “feeling” or consolation of faith something we can conjure up on our own. If anyone had such powers of conjuring it would be Mother Teresa. So much for feel-good religion—that “opiate of the masses.” Morphine is much more effective.

The real story, the deepest subtext, in Mother Teresa’s “dark night” is not that God was purifying her. God was actually giving her her heart’s desire.

Every Missionaries of Charity community I have visited has a large crucifix with the words “I thirst” over it. It is that broken man on the cross that Mother Teresa most wanted to identify with, the same Jesus she could see in the most bereft and seemingly unloved of her brothers and sisters on earth. In one of her desperate cries to Jesus she wrote, “Lord my God, who am I that you should forsake me?” Is it possible that she could not see that her very words were the same as those uttered by the man on the cross she so longed to be with? Could she not realize that she had finally found union with the man who cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Perhaps it is best that she did not appreciate the intensity with which her prayers were answered. Freed from her darkness, she would have left him to his cross. Such can be the paradox of finding one’s heart’s desire.

John F. Kavanaugh, S.J., is a professor of philosophy at St. Louis University in St. Louis, Mo.

Comments

MICHAEL LYDON | 10/20/2007 - 3:06pm
Kavanaugh's article reminds me a statement I heard recently. "When people are certain in faith, they can crash airliners into buildings to convince others of the righteous of their cause and bring unbelievers to just punishment. When people are uncertain in faith, they can 'do ordinary things with extraordinary love' and show the spiritual fruitfulness of a Mother Teresa."
BILL DURBIN | 10/12/2007 - 12:31am
Dear Editor, I would be most appreciative if you could forward this note to Father Kavanaugh. Father, I grew up across the street from Mev Puleo and her family many moons ago. I have become rather close to Fr. Joe Tetlow. In a book reading club, we read "All Saints" and, of course, read about Mev. Just a few weeks ago, I was in St. Louis andran into Mr. and Mrs. Puleo at our old parish, Our Lady of the Pillar. We talked about Mev and I mentioned how impressed I was with your writings and noted that you presided or spoke at Mev's funeral. Mrs. Puleo choked up and said of you, "He married them and then buried her two years later" or something similar. It was one of those beautiful, painful and oh so human moments. Mr. Puleo showed a photo with Mev's arms draped around Pope John Paul II. I took his billfold with the photo and showed it to my wife. The anxiety I perceived in Mr. Puleo as I moved three feet away from him with his billfold told me that what I held was absolutely priceless to him, which should have been of no surprise to anyone. All of this is to say I feel a sense of personal connection to you through the Puleos and I deeply appreciate your writings. I always look for your column and usually read it at least twice. So, thanks. Tonight, I will go to bed and pray for a conversion of heart for Mr. Hitchens (I imagine he is a very unhappy fellow). I will also pray for you and your good work and I will pray for one ten thousandths of the strength, grace and faith (not certitude or clarity) possessed by that tiny giant of Calcutta. As she seemed to say incessantly, "Pray for me." Bill Durbin
ANN JOHNSON | 10/11/2007 - 3:07pm
One of Fr. Kavanaugh's best columns. I heard chunks of it used in Sunday's homily in my parish and what greater compliment could there be?!
LARRY | 10/4/2007 - 11:35am
"Come Be My Light" are strange words in the title of the book that describes Mother Teresa's dark night of the soul. Those words sound even stranger to those who are aware that "Come, be my light" is not, as many think, Mother Teresa's prayer to Jesus, but, as even Christopher Hitchens correctly observes in his two-page article against Mother Teresa (Newsweek, Sept. 10), they are Christ's words to Mother Teresa in her spiritual darkness.
George Calleja | 10/1/2007 - 7:53am
Elementary, my dear Hitchens, it's like losing your life to find it, or be first by seeking to be last or reigning in service. One of those things that are hidden from the wise and revealed to little ones. Why? "Because it so has pleased YOU Father."
George Calleja | 10/1/2007 - 7:51am
Elementary, my dear Hitchens, it's like losing your life to find it, or be first by seeking to be last or reigning in service.. one of those things that are hidden from the wise and revealed to little ones. Why?
George Calleja | 10/1/2007 - 7:51am
Elementary, my dear Hitchens, it's like losing your life to find it, or be first by seeking to be last or reigning in service.. one of those things that are hidden from the wise and revealed to little ones. Why?
Michael LaFrance | 9/21/2007 - 8:25pm
Fantastic insights!

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