A Reflection for the Tuesday of the Third Week of Lent
“Jesus answered, ‘I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times’” (Mt 18:22).
Marriage is a master class in forgiving and being forgiven.
You know that old song about always hurting the one you love, the one you definitely shouldn’t hurt at all? That’s marriage. Your truest love, your closest friend, your most intimate partner is often the one you lose your cool with, the one who sees you overheat. You say things you regret. You are kinder to strangers than to your spouse. At least, that’s what the old song says.
And when one spouse needs forgiveness and the other needs to forgive, it’s time to talk.
Like any healthy relationship, a solid marriage relies on the fruits of the Spirit that St. Paul outlines in his letter to the Galatians: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Forgiveness should make that list. But forgiveness can be tricky because damage is involved. We are tempted to hold a grudge, to resurrect past slights as ammunition in present disagreements. Along with forgiveness, we have to be willing to let go of resentment. We have to wipe the day’s slate clean. Forgiving is not forgetting, but neither is it festering.
I note on the side that Jesus gives this answer of infinite forgiveness to a question from a married man.
The Gospel today is a forceful reminder that the mercy we crave for ourselves is not always the mercy we extend to another. We may honk at an inattentive driver sitting on a green light, for example, but we want other drivers to give us a pass when we do the same. Don’t they understand that we’ve had a rough day at work or a death in the family or a crisis with a teenaged kid? No, they don’t, just as we didn’t stop to think about that other driver’s mitigating circumstances before we honked. The servant in Jesus’ story reveals his need for leniency, begs for pardon and accepts his master’s forgiveness, but he denies that same mercy to the fellow indebted to him. He does not perceive the lesson that forgiveness is an action verb on both ends, that the compassion shown to him is to bear fruit in his life. May we learn from his fate.
I note on the side that Jesus gives this answer of infinite forgiveness to a question from a married man.
As my husband and I work through whatever issue has come between us, as we forgive and ask for forgiveness for the hurt we’ve caused to the one we shouldn’t hurt at all, it seems to me that seventy-seven is a low estimate for a marriage that began in 1980. By the grace of God, we’re working on the old translation of seventy times seven. Remember your mercies, O Lord.
Get to know Valerie Schultz, contributing writer
What are you giving up for Lent?
Sugar, my arch-nemesis. Sugar usually wins. In retreat, I add a daily Rosary.
Do you cheat on Sundays?
Far be it from me to mess with a generations-old family tradition of Sundays off in Lent. When I was a kid, I thought everyone did this.
Favorite non-meat recipe
We are vegetarians, so Lent is perpetual! For entertaining meat-eaters, the easiest non-meat recipes start with pasta.
Favorite Lenten hymn
Psalm 91, by Marty Haugen: “Be with me Lord, when I am in trouble/ Be with me Lord, I pray.” It is a refrain that has gotten me through many tough times.
