As someone drawn to absolutes, I have always been haunted by the words of St. Ignatius about the Examen. He writes, “If you prayed no other prayer, you should at least pray the Examen once a day.” As someone who has been diagnosed with learning differences and neurodivergence—after years of being labeled a “space cadet”—it can be extremely difficult for me to focus on anything in the evening, when the Examen is often prayed. Sometimes my best effort is just 30 seconds in front of a candle while running through the five steps of the Examen at lightning speed: PleasegivemelighttosaythankyouforallofthethingsandsorryforthosethingsandwherewereyouthereyouwerethankyouandtellmemoreaboutthatwhileIamdreamingandhelpmetomorrowwithalltheother things.
While that is not necessarily a bad prayer (in fact, I believe it is good that I am having any sort of prayerful encounter with my creator at the end of the day), it nevertheless leaves me wanting, and suspicious that there must be something I’m missing. Fittingly, I took this to God and asked for some tools I could use to make the nightly Examen work for my brain. Here are three Examen adaptations this divine experiment yielded that I have found particularly helpful:
1. Pray it with someone else.
I currently live alone, but I have a robust network of spiritual fellows with whom I speak on the phone regularly. When I began writing this article I was on my way to visit a dear friend with whom I planned to live. In an effort to deepen our connection, I suggested we try praying a nightly Examen. He was not familiar with St. Ignatius or the Examen and was not raised Catholic, so I found a helpful explanation adapted from a prayer card I found on IgnatianSpirituality.com.
“It’s basically a way to reflect on the spiritual movements of your day in five steps,” I told him. “First step, ask for light…petition to the Great Reality, universal energy source, creator spirit…whatever name or thought you have that calls to mind a power greater than you. Then, do a mental gratitude list. What were you grateful for today? Then review the day, guided by the spirit. This is kind of like…trust what arises when you begin to review your day, letting your mind go loose. Then, face your shortcomings that day and name them with humility and acceptance. Then, ask for what you need tomorrow.” We broke our reflection time into 2-minute chunks. Sharing our reflections with each other was not required, but making the prayer with someone else in real time helped to create a structure and discipline.
2. Pray through writing or art.
Doing something with my hands or providing myself with some way to fidget helps me to listen and take in information. Moving my hand across the page opens me up to a different kind of focus as I pray and just sort of let myself be loose. If I’m feeling particularly verbal, freewriting in bullet point form through the five steps works. I pause between them. Or, I sometimes free-associate and draw pictures across the page.
3. Get moving.
I often find it helpful to leave my phone at home and go for a walk. I live in New York City, where one can freely move through the streets having conversations out loud with oneself and no one will bat an eye. In fact, on some of my Examen walks, I say the steps of the prayer out loud, imagining I am walking and talking with God as I do so. Other nights I quietly have internal conversations that are broken up, of course, by my interactions in the world, but moving my feet and pumping my arms is usually just enough of a movement to kick me into a more prayerful and meditative attention.
As I have been reminded by my spiritual director, a willingness to pray so pleases God that the details are of secondary importance. Still, I seek the best way for me. The gift is in the adventure of my relationship with God. By making consistent time to grow this practice, the gifts of the increased intimacy with God have been immense.
