Last night I attended an excellent presentation about Spirituality and Parenting, hosted by Krista Tippett, host of the public radio show "On Being" (formerly, "Speaking of Faith"). Tippett’s guest was author and Buddhism guru Sylvia Boorstein (Happiness is an Inside Job). The conversation between these two women, both experienced parents, was refreshing and helpful. I bought tickets to the event to surprise my wife for Valentine’s Day—since we have a 10 month old son and both hold graduate degrees in theology and ministry I thought it was an appropriate gesture! She, too, found the discussion fruitful.
A spirituality of parenting is tough to pin down, but the perspective last night focused on maintaining equanimity in the chaotic and sometimes mundane life of parenting. Boorstein posited that spirituality in the life of a busy parent does not look the same as it does for someone who has time to meditate every morning. Sometimes a parent expresses spirituality by lovingly folding towels, in other words, doing something that those familiar with Ignatian Spirituality would appreciate—finding God in ALL things, especially in the stuff of our everyday lives.
One thought that occurred to me last night was that I could not recall much written about the topic of spirituality and parenting. Perhaps it is not in vogue right now, but there seems to be a “spirituality of” everything else from cooking to running to collecting stamps. There is even an “Idiot’s Guide” to spirituality, but very little written, at least as far as I know, about parenting in a spiritual context.
Interestingly, there are a slew of books written about finding the humor in parenting—from Bill Cosby to Andy Borowitz’s recent book, The Good Enough Baby: Settling for Little Miss Adequate. I suppose that focusing on humor and giving parents permission to laugh at themselves is a spiritual exercise—it could be exactly what the worn-down mother or father needs in those moments when it seems like all energy and patience is tapped out.
I would like to ask readers of this blog who are parents—how do you feed your spiritual life? Are there resources out there that could help faithful parents pursue a spiritual life in the midst of dirty diapers, teething rings and sleepless nights?
David Nantais
Detroit, MI
Susan is a 30 year Catholic family minister, consultant to USCCB family office. Just sent for our copy and want to read sanity part. :o)
Of course for the parents, there are ample opportunities for growth as well. The New Yorker writer, Peter DeVries once said ''the miracle of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.'' Similarly, Pope John Paul II called families ''communities of love'' in which parents and children get to practice all the virtues that enable them to live life as a gift (EV).
In my book, Parenting with Grace (2nd ed). we explore the Catholic spirituality of parenting extensively, in particular, examining how the principles of the Theology of the Body apply to parent/child interactions and what living the virtues of self-donation, love, and responsibility in the home mean, practically speaking.
More than ever, it is possible for Catholics to experience family life, and in particular, parenting, as an actualizing enterprise for both themselves and their children.
God Bless
Having said that, if we teach our children the beatitudes we will be far ahead if we also practice them.
I've written about some of the resources I've found helpful, including a book called Momfulness: Mothering with Mindfulness, Compassion, and Grace. Perhaps you've also seen that Krista Tippett did a whole Speaking of Faith show on Spirituality and Parenting? I mentioned it here: Toddlers, tempers and forgiveness.
On a related note, there has recently been a slew of theological books written about theology of childhood. Much of this work touches on parenting and spirituality as well. Check out the work of Bonnie Miller-McLemore if you're interested.
My situation is somewhat different, though, in that my baby was born with a life-threatening health probem. On one hand, days and nights of fear and MRIs and ICU-stays can tip one's perspective on faith and Gd into a maelstrom, and it's nobody's to say where things regarding that may come to rest. In those times you can really experience the decentering experience of praying to a power that you find yourself starting to hate.
On the other hand, I also experienced-for the first time, really-the substance can be found in hearing "I will pray for you" from people.