If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). You can find more resources from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention here.
WASHINGTON (CNS) -- A Michigan priest criticized for emphasizing suicide in his homily during a recent funeral for an 18-year-old who took his own life has since apologized.
"As with any funeral, it was my intent to serve this family in their time of grief, but I fell well short of providing them the comfort they so desperately needed. Instead, I added to their pain. I deeply regret that, and I am sorry," said Father Don LaCuesta, pastor of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church in Temperance, Michigan.
He expressed his remorse in remarks to parishioners a week after the Dec. 8 funeral of Maison Hullibarger, which received extensive media coverage. His remarks were released Dec. 17 by the Detroit Archdiocese along with its own statement of apology.
The archdiocese said it regrets that one of its parish priests "was unable to bring comfort to a grieving family at the recent funeral of their beloved son. Our hope is always to bring comfort to situations of great pain, through funeral services centered on the love and healing power of Christ."
The statement added that what happened made an unbearable situation "even more difficult" and noted that Father LaCuesta will no longer be preaching at funerals and will have all other homilies reviewed by a priest mentor.
In his homily at the Dec. 8 funeral, also released by the archdiocese with names redacted, Father LaCuesta did not say, as some media reports have indicated, that the teen's Dec. 4 death would prevent him from going to heaven.
His homily focused on suicide and God's mercy without mentioning any details about Hullibarger, a freshman at the University of Toledo, Ohio, who was studying criminal justice, who was a brother to five siblings and who loved football, camping and his mom's cooking.
The archdiocese said it regrets that one of its parish priests "was unable to bring comfort to a grieving family at the recent funeral of their beloved son. Our hope is always to bring comfort to situations of great pain, through funeral services centered on the love and healing power of Christ."
His parents told the Detroit Free Press that they met with the priest days before the funeral to tell him about their son, stressing that they wanted him to talk about his life.
"We wanted him to celebrate how Maison lived, not how he died," said his mother, Linda Hullibarger.
The priest began by saying there was "hope in eternity even for those who take their own lives."
He went on to say that "taking your own life is against God who made us and against everyone who loves us. Our lives are not our own. They are not ours to do with as we please. God gave us life, and we are to be good stewards of that gift for as long as God permits."
The priest also said the "finality of suicide makes this all the worse. You cannot make things right again," adding that the pain for the family now is that so much is unresolved when they would like to "turn the clock back and say, 'Please don't give up. We can work through this pain together.'"
He said the family now will have to work through this pain by themselves or "with those close to you now who will need to lean on you even as you lean on them."
He ended by repeating what he said earlier in the homily: "Nothing -- not even suicide -- can separate us from the unconditional love of God." But by that point Maison's father, Jeff Hullibarger, frustrated with the repeated message of suicide, had already gone to the pulpit asking the priest to stop.
Jeff and Linda Hullibarger said they spoke to the media about what happened so that something similar wouldn't happen to other families. They also have asked the archdiocese to remove Father LaCuesta as their parish pastor.
The Hullibargers received phone calls from the archdiocesan vicar for clergy and an auxiliary bishop as well as Detroit Archbishop Allen H. Vigneron, who also planned to meet with the couple in person.
In the priest's message to his parish, he said: "I know there have been some calling for my removal from the parish -- or from ministry altogether. I understand the pain behind these calls. It is my preference to stay and to serve the parish community I love so much. I want all of you to know that I am working with the archdiocese to ensure that I can serve more effectively in the future."
He also said he will work on "deep interior reflection" alone and with others about how he could have "missed the mark so completely in this case."
He also said he will work on "deep interior reflection" alone and with others about how he could have "missed the mark so completely in this case."
"Many of us know how painful it is when you unintentionally hurt somebody you are trying to help," he added. "I ask you to please join me in praying for the family involved, that they may find healing and comfort during this difficult time."
Although some Christian denominations maintain that suicide results in automatic and eternal damnation, the Catholic faith does not despair of God's mercy for those who take their own lives and it recognizes the complexities of mental, emotional and physical health in its stance on suicide.
In a Catholic News Service article earlier this year following a few celebrity suicides, Father Bernard Taglianetti, a professor of moral theology at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania, said: "Suicide itself is a gravely disordered act, an evil one. However, the church also recognizes that strong emotional experiences -- deep suffering, deep depression -- can diminish one's culpability."
"The Catholic Church doesn't ever decide or declare that someone is in hell," he added. "What's important here is hope -- hope in the love of God, and in his divine mercy."
The Detroit archdiocesan statement said it acknowledged that the Hullibarger family "expected a homily based on how their loved one lived, not one addressing how he passed away."
It also said the family was hurt by the priest's "choice to share church teaching on suicide, when the emphasis should have been placed more on God's closeness to those who mourn."
When a person kills a person, intentionally, we call it murder and one of the commandments which are now not allowed to be displayed in public is "do no murder".
Suicide is the murder of a person who is also the murder victim.
The laws and customs of Christendom had laws against suicide, modern USA does not have this law.
Christendom did not allow the burial of a self-murderer in consecrated ground.
It is good and right for the ministers of the rites to make sure they do not "conform to this world" where all suicide is falsely attributed to mental illness.
Laws and customs are educative and form the moral conscience.
This man did not transgress either justice or love nor did he, or anyone else for that matter, have the power to console those deeply hurt by the death of someone they love by their own hand. The best he could do would be to say that neither he nor they could presume to judge whether the person went to hell or purgatory while maintaining for all the living to take note, "does not your suffering witness to the evil nature of this deed?"
Catholic funerals should never be pity parties, but religious ceremonies invoking the supernatural through prayer.
"It is a holy and wholesome thought to pray for the dead that they may be loosed from their sins."
Wow. I can only hope that you are not serving as a priest, comforting the families of those who have died, and inflicting your opinions which are far more stringent and negative than those of the Church. "The evil nature of this deed" does not need to be reinforced and inflicted on the survivors. They know it all too well. The priest intensified the evil in his homily, which went counter to what the family had discussed with him and expected.
Your understanding of theology and psychology is limited
What good is religious teaching that doesn't serve the needs people? More worthless nonsense. No-one knows the depth of this person's suffering. These silly articles about making religion palatable are read by old people who need affirmation of what they were taught.
The young ones aren't buying it.
What good is religious teaching that doesn't serve the needs people? More worthless nonsense. No-one knows the depth of this person's suffering. These silly articles about making religion palatable are read by old people who need affirmation of what they were taught.
The young ones aren't buying it.
I think Fr LaCuesta had a very tricky road to navigate. It seems like he made an effort to both speak truth and offer hope...
Suicide is murder, as other commenters have noted. Sure...many murderers suffer from mental illness. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact evil. Memorializing suicide victims can spur more suicides, especially in a school setting. Having a massive ceremony to celebrate the life of a suicide victim is a way to produce more suicides. It validates suicide as a decision. Would we celebrate the life of someone who shot a five year old in cold blood? Suicide is that same kind of sin...
No one can know the state of the poor young man's soul but it doesn't change the fact of evil. The poor priest did have a tricky road.. We no longer have clear moral teaching about a lot of things. It might have something to do with cognitive dissonance among many of the 'teachers' who often trade sentimentality for moral teaching . The devastated family can't be blamed. The priest will have to 'take it on the chin' as they used to say.
I attempted suicide in 1994 because of years of depression due to the pain of being gay. Fortunately, my life was saved by a friend. Frankly, at first I was angry with him. However, as one who had long been active in the pro-life movement (yes, I understand the irony) in time I realized that my life had meaning, apologized to my friend, and in time Sent to the Sacrament of Reconciliation for consolation and forgiveness. A good friend and co-worker had committed suicide about a month before I did. Her death was a shock. Although I had learned from her about a month before she took her life that she had experienced many years of depression, she was a seemingly happy woman, dedicated to the disabled people with whom she worked, who loved her family, friends as well as animals.
I certainly agree that suicide is seriously immoral. However, as noted Father LaCuesta didn't say in his homily that the young man who deliberately ended his life was going to hell. Also, as the theologian stated our Church never says who is in hell. From my experience (both as an individual and regarding my friend) I sympathize with people whose circumstances in life make them want them to commit suicide. However, I oppose physician -assisted suicide, especially because I that the involvement of a physician gives suicide greater respectability. The Catechism, while clearly stating the immorality of suicide, states that "grave psychological disturbance, anguish" and several other circumstances "can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide." The Catechism also states, " We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to Him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. "
At my friend's funeral, her sister was allowed to speak about her life. I understand that the Church doesn't permit eulogies. Not am I someone who believes in changing fundamental teachings of the Church. However, I don't believe that the ban on eulogies is a fundamental teaching, but a matter of discipline. Personally, I believe that the Church could and should permit eulogies at funerals, even in the difficult circumstance of suicide. Our bishops have spoken out strongly against physician -assisted suicide. So I don't think allowing a eulogy that focuses on the life of the person who deliberately took his or her life would diminish Church teaching regarding suicide. After all, the Church clearly and rightfully speaks out for restoring legal protection the innocent unborn unborn human beings. However, the Church also has a program that offers compassionate support for women who've had abortions.
This priest should never be allowed to remain a priest. It’s not ok to say, I am sorry and move on.
On behalf of all parents who have suffered with a sick suicidal child, this falls beyond the pale.
I have had friends with family who died this way. I am the mother of a son who just recently suffered greatly and was suicidal at the age of 49. He seems to be ok today.
Pray for those suffering and understand that in any person who has had any contact with a suicide or a suffering person, in my mind this priest should never be allowed on any altar.
This priest should never be allowed to remain a priest. It’s not ok to say, I am sorry and move on.
On behalf of all parents who have suffered with a sick suicidal child, this falls beyond the pale.
I have had friends with family who died this way. I am the mother of a son who just recently suffered greatly and was suicidal at the age of 49. He seems to be ok today.
Pray for those suffering and understand that in any person who has had any contact with a suicide or a suffering person, in my mind this priest should never be allowed on any altar.
This priest should never be allowed to remain a priest. It’s not ok to say, I am sorry and move on.
On behalf of all parents who have suffered with a sick suicidal child, this falls beyond the pale.
I have had friends with family who died this way. I am the mother of a son who just recently suffered greatly and was suicidal at the age of 49. He seems to be ok today.
Pray for those suffering and understand that in any person who has had any contact with a suicide or a suffering person, in my mind this priest should never be allowed on any altar.
Please print the homily as delivered. I read it. I believe after reading it that this pastor did his best to craft a homily...which is very different than a eulogy. The time for a eulogy, if at all, is at the visitation or at the closing of the formal liturgy. Eulogies are not given by the presider. Only spoken by family or friends (most of whom go on forever) I pity any priest who is expected to deliver “comfort” after a loved one died by suicide. After reading the homily as delivered, I believe this story is overblown. So very sorry for the parents and family. Only God, can deliver you from this agony. A homily pales in the face of suicide.