This article is part of America's series applying Ignatian principles to election season.
If we adults are anxious about the upcoming election, we can be certain that our children are feeling it, too. Anxiety is the natural response of the mind and body to the chaos of uncertainty and unpredictability, whether perceived or real. Young children particularly rely on adults to model for them how to bring order out of chaos, which can be either manageable or overwhelming.
Regardless of how a family manages election stress—whether through direct verbal confrontations or subtle, passive-aggressive glances and gestures—children are keenly aware. Even if they are not consciously observing the tension or understand what is at stake, their bodies can still respond to the emotional discord, absorbing the turmoil.
Every child experiences anxiety in different ways and to varying degrees, influenced by a combination of environmental and individual factors, such as genetic predisposition, sociocultural influences, parenting style, temperament and life experiences. In the same household, one child may respond to stressors with external behaviors like tantrums or acting out, while another may internalize their anxiety, manifesting it through more subtle behaviors like strict rule-following, perfectionism or people-pleasing, effectively masking their distress. As developmental science has shown, their responses influence how others interact with them, creating a dynamic system of reciprocal influence.
While environmental changes and individual differences make it challenging to predict how each child will respond to the political climate leading up to and following the election this November, it doesn’t mean parents are powerless—there are still ways to stay vigilant and supportive. Limiting exposure to news outlets and social media is often sound advice, but equally important is self-monitoring: parents reflecting on how both their words and actions, and even what they choose not to say or do, affect their children.
To support them, parents can take several proactive steps.
First, limiting exposure to stressful media can help create a more stable emotional environment for children. Second, engaging in self-reflection allows parents to regulate their emotions and behaviors better, fostering healthier interactions with their children. Lastly, providing structured opportunities for children to express their concerns encourages open communication and helps them process their feelings, thereby reducing as much anxious tension as possible. I would like to share here examples of how these steps might be lived out.
Fostering self reflection and open communication
When I was teaching high school, I carried in my wallet a sheet of paper with the names of all my students. Each night before bed, I would go through the list in God’s presence for my examen prayer, a sort of examination of conscience: Thank you, Lord, for the hope and encouragement you showed me through this student. Did I overlook the quiet ones who always did what was expected? Was I too demanding with this one? Too lenient with that one? What did I do, and what did I fail to do? Grant me the grace to be better tomorrow. Taking a moment to pause and reflect on the day before God can help prevent being swept away by the busyness of life and the fluctuating internal movements. This practice fosters awareness and connection and breaks the cycle of unhelpful interactions.
While self-reflection enables parents to understand their emotional impact and interactions, it is beneficial to also provide children with opportunities to voice their concerns. Though allowing children to express their fears, frustrations and “big feelings” in an unstructured and unrestricted way can be valuable in certain cases, a more structured approach can better contain and help them navigate their often-mixed feelings and confusion.
This became especially evident during the tumultuous presidential election in 2020, when my colleagues and I organized “Breakfast with God”—an interactive program over Zoom that was associated with Boston College and designed to provide spiritual grounding for young children and their families in a period marked by uncertainty and fear. (Our journal article on this program will be published soon by the American Psychological Association.)
Breakfast with God followed the format of the Liturgy of the Word at Mass that combined singing children’s songs, reflecting on the Gospel passage of the day, reading from a children’s book that highlighted the themes from the same passage, craft making and intercessory prayer. We encouraged the children to offer their prayers, which often included playful remembrances of dinosaurs, dolphins and unicorns, alongside heartfelt pleas for baby Jesus in the cold, animals who had died, for the president and for grandparents who lived far away. Each prayer received an empathetic response from the adults, acknowledging that the children’s concerns mattered.
When the children finished voicing their prayers, I offered a list of my own. We prayed for then-President Trump and then-Vice President Biden, that they respect each other and remember the least among us. We prayed by name for the unarmed Black men and women who had been killed by police officers. We prayed for all those in the armed forces, that they exercise their authority responsibly and return safely each day to their families.
Our efforts provided scaffolding—a kind of temporary emotional support—to help children articulate their immediate concerns constructively and to instill in them a sense of agency, while also enabling parents to respond to their children’s feelings and share their own. Knowing that no intention is too insignificant for God, that no situation is outside God’s providence and that no one is beyond God’s mercy does not diminish the significance of emotions. Instead, it directs those feelings toward a path for creativity and action.
Finally, given that political debates today are characterized not only by tasteless ad hominem attacks but also by distortions of truth aimed at inciting fear and swaying supporters, it is essential to model for children discerning and critical reception of what they hear in and outside the home. After all, it is truth that ultimately brings order to chaos. This does not mean teaching young children, as one might with teens, to fact check everything Mr. Trump and Vice President Harris say. This would be neither practical nor developmentally appropriate.
On retreats for youths, I often guide participants through a discernment exercise. I read various passages, some from Scripture and some not, asking them to raise their hands if they believe the “voice” is from God. If they think it comes from elsewhere, they are instructed to keep their hands down. Generally, statements that are demeaning and evoke fear are not from God (e.g., “Avoid people who are not like you”), while those that provide consolation (e.g., “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened…”) are seen as likely to come from God. There are also more challenging and subtle statements that necessitate further discussion (e.g., “I love you”; “We are friends, and friends don’t snitch on friends”). Allowing children to articulate what they have heard and express their emotional responses provides parents with an opportunity to explore the messages conveyed and how they resonate with the children’s experiences, and to offer a corrective response when necessary.
As we approach the upcoming election, it is important for parents to remain mindful of both their own emotional responses and their children’s reactions to the surrounding political tension. Children are sensitive to the emotional climate, even if they do not fully grasp the political stakes. By implementing these strategies, parents can help their children navigate the complexities of the current political landscape more constructively.
Read more:
Tim Muldoon on praying the Examen during election season.
James Martin, S.J., on finding hope during a time of polarization.
Joe Laramie, S.J., on cura personalis and making a mess before election night.
Chris Smith, S.J., on the presupposition and polarized family dynamics.
