In this playful article, published in the March 19, 1977, issue of America, Richard A. Blake, S.J., pokes fun at some of the tropes and viewpoints that defined (and perhaps continue to define) the Catholic press.
At the top of a hill on the grounds of a well-known, but rapidly-going-bankrupt Catholic school, two students met with a near-fatal accident last week. Though authorities refused to reveal their names, they are commonly referred to by the obvious aliases, “Jack” and “Jill.” During morning recess, these students carried a large metal receptacle to the peak of the hill with the alleged intention of filling it with water. Then tragedy struck. Jack fell backward and struck his head. Jill, startled by the sudden disappearance of Jack, also lost her balance and fell. Despite a fractured skull and possible concussion, Jack is reported in stable condition, but no reports have been released about Jill.
Not only is this story noteworthy in itself, but the interest it stirred in Catholic circles is unprecedented. To keep America readers informed, a sampling of commentary follows.
Though authorities refused to reveal their names, they are commonly referred to by the obvious aliases, “Jack” and “Jill.”
Commonweal: The American hierarchy has once again shown its myopia in dealing with the realities of life in the United States, a pluralist society. Having spent millions on the physical plant, they refused to look beyond their own institutional ghetto to the needs of the people and their environment. The lack of foresight and wisdom was total. If they had channeled their resources into the construction of an aqueduct to serve the needs of a society at large, this tragedy would never have happened.
National Association of Women Religious (Official Statement): The callous disregard for the role of women in the church has once more been demonstrated. The basic thrust of the event and the reports concerning it have revealed the tactics of those in the male-dominated structures in the church to keep women in a subservient role. While we applaud the shared-labor concept in the original errand, we are disappointed that the students in question are invariably designated “Jack and Jill,” never “Jill and Jack.” The constant repetition of the sequence of events—at this point a mere allegation, not a substantiated fact—has been deliberately planned to reinforce the stereotype of woman as follower and thus incapable of exercising a leadership role in society or in the church.
The Wanderer: The tragic events of the past few days have once more pointed out the blatant promiscuity that arose in the church after the collapse of morality in the wake of Vatican II. No doubt the so-called theologians and self-styled moralists would condone or even encourage coeducation, which all loyal Catholics have always recognized as contrary to natural, divine and canon law, but the plain fact is that these two victims of the so-called new morality had no business going up that hill together, without a chaperon, in the first place. Many of the sisters (?) teaching at that school are wearing secular dress. It is a sad story repeated so often these days.
National Catholic Reporter: After a thorough investigation, NCR has discovered several circumstances of the recent tragedy that have not been included in official press releases. Buckling to pressure from a lobby of dentists, school authorities have been encouraging students to carry water from a nearby spring. The city water piped into the school is flouridated, a process which is thought to prevent tooth decay. When confronted with this theory, the principal refused to give any further information, but, in effect, confirmed it by angrily retorting: “What are you talking about?” The diocesan offices and the local dentists responded in almost identical language, thus raising more than a slight suspicion that a party line had been agreed upon earlier.
L’Osservatore Romano: In his annual allocution to Bulgarian chiropodists, Pope Paul VI alluded to "the light of wisdom" (AAS 72, IV, 126, A, iii). This remark was widely interpreted as an expression of concern about the dangers of inadequate lighting in the school where the accident occurred (Gen. 1:4). Others, noting that the accident happened at midday, opined that the Pontiff's words were to be taken as an expression of hope that full circumstances would come to light (Is. 8:20). In a press conference, Cardinal Benelli noted that the statement, although not infallible and irreformable, was authoritative. The American bishops sent a letter of appreciation and congratulations (Cath. Mind, LXXV, 1313). The Bulgarians, having expressed immediate concurrence, were unavailable for further comment, (Pravda, April l, p. 1 ed.).
America: The inability of experts to agree on a definition of “hill” that will illuminate all the murky regions of this intricate question should slow down those spokesmen who have already leapt to one conclusion too many in this case.
Center of Concern (News Release): In one-sixteenth of the driest surface of the globe, water is valued at $1.12 a bucket, the equivalent of the gross annual income of nineteen forty-thirds of the people living there. The squandering of this earth’s resources, as typified by the spilling of an entire bucket of water by only two American citizens, is disturbing, to say the least. The fact that the unconscionable accident occurred on church-owned property, and thus with the implicit cooperation of the official church structures, impels us to call for a National Day of Concern. In addition, we urge men and women of conscience to write to his/her Congressperson in support of Federal legislation to regulate water wastage in American schools, public and nonpublic.
Review for Religious: Seeking and responding to the sacramental elements in everyday experience often present difficulties for even the most attuned souls. If, as initial reports indicate, the pail had actually been filled with water before the accident, then inevitably it would have spilled at the precise moment Jack and Jill were descending the hill. The baptismal imagery of pouring and descent could easily be lost. An experienced director, however, can help an individual to arrive at a higher level of consciousness in perceiving sacramental encounters in the manifold thrust of reality. With suitable direction, the immersion of Jack and Jill can successfully be incorporated into the life of prayer and consciousness attunement.
Andrew Greeley (syndicated column): The tragedy of Jack and Jill could have been avoided if the liberals, intellectuals and bishops had listened to me, period. Click. But no, they were out chasing the latest ecclesiastical rainbow, like Christian Marxism, liberation theology and ethnicity, delete that, return to liberation theology and liturgical dilettantism, period. Click. Ten years ago, my associates and I published a study entitled Declining Water Tables in the American Catholic Schools: A Socio-Statistical Overview, period. But nobody cared, period. Now, perhaps they will, period. But it's too late, period. Click. Tough luck, Jack and Jill, period. Click.
America: The inability of experts to agree on a definition of “hill” that will illuminate all the murky regions of this intricate question should slow down those spokesmen who have already leapt to one conclusion too many in this case. The U.S. Supreme Court should hand down a ruling in the next session and at that time thinking observers will have something to react against. Until that time, as Chesterton says, we will have to raise the question and adopt a wait-and-see attitude (1/29, p. 87). While any definitive statement on the matter is premature, and is likely to remain so, this magazine maintains its steadfast opposition to the use of torture to obtain additional information, unless, of course, it can be established that torture can serve the greater good of society and the long-range goals of excellence in Catholic schools. This would not imply, however, as some observers might lead us to believe, that illegal aliens, escaping repression in their own countries, should be brought in at below-subsistence-level wages to carry water for Catholic and other nonpublic school students, unless, on the other hand, this would provide their only opportunity to escape the poverty imposed on them, at least in part but not totally, by multinational corporations.
This is pretty funny. I suppose the times really don't change much - what does this say about Hegel? It's great that you're reprinting pieces from the past - it should give us all reason for pause, or maybe a reason to avoid hills. I'm surprised there was no collateral damage, what do you suppose the purpose of the rhyme was when it was first composed? Might make for some great editorials.