This New York cover story is worth a read if you didn't catch it earlier this month. Jennifer Senior sets out to explore the various reasons why, in study after study, young American parents have been shown to be unhappy with their lives. As a new (happy) parent, I was puzzled by this idea, but I also found myself resonating with many of the concerns raised by young parents. Yes, raising a kid is hard, especially when both parents work. If you have children at a later age, like many couples do, you will inevitably miss the creature comforts you enjoyed in your 20s. And can't we do a better job as a nation providing for quality affordable child care?
But I think the article neglects one key aspect of family life that provides great joy to many parents: growing old with your children. Bringing up a child is physically and emotionally exhausting, but in time the rewards can be great. Watching your children mature into adulthood, seeing them have children of their own, enjoying the comfort of their company as you grow frail--these fruits of parenthood are discernible only if you take the long view. Of course, healthy relationships with adult children are, sadly, not always the norm. But parenthood is a far more rich and varied experience than potty training and rides to soccer practice.
Tim Reidy
Tonight, I was rocking my little one to sleep, and she was looking up into my eyes, babbling along about Dora the Explorer, our kiddie pool, and something that sounded like 'blue beats.' If I have ever loved anyone any more than I did my baby girl at that moment (or her sister at similar times), I don't know when it was.
Children create love. One minute they aren't there, then they are, and you love them so much. They are like little nuclear love bombs. It's worth it. All of it is worth it. It's not easy, but love is worth it.
This is is a forgone conclusion in the minds of many parents; however, life has many twists and turns. How one treats ones children is often how parents are ulimtately treated at the end of the road. As a social worker of many years, trust me: it aint necessarily so.
As to parental angst, I find it comes from several quarters. One is revisiting ones own childhood and finding yourself repeating the mistakes of your parents. The other thing that weighs heavily is the sense of obligation you have, at least if you are healthy, which forces you to be responsible and put your own desires on hold. Having a child later in life somewhat ads to that, since by the time you escape, you are old. When 20 somethings have kid, by age 45 or 50 they are gone. Have a kid when you are in your early 40s and or late 30s and you find yourself busy with them until retirement age. The prospect of never seeing grandkids becomes very real, as is never having that freedom to soar that 50 somethings have when no longer burdened by the responsibility for children and teenagers.
I think my perspective -much as my views on the Church- is an old-fashioned one. Parents today seem to be more temporary guardians preparing their chicks for flight, looking forward to end that phase so that they can get on with their own lives.